Where I am
Pretty much off balance. Looking for pieces of myself I’ve lost along the way. Or forgot to hold together. It doesn’t really matter right now.
A few steps away from the fiftieth stair of my life, I am harshly judging a chunk of the path I’ve taken. There is this rude voice reminding me I didn’t dare enough. Sometimes I feel peace. Some other times, only some pieces of it. Or none.
Busy with millions of tasks piling up on my desk and in my mind, I pause. Cut to the chase of the moment. Raw and real.
I am plain and simply eager to find my way back to the thriving flow I feel ‘right on’ in.
There are many ways to ride a wave, I am choosing a brand new one.* Bathing in trust and driven by curiosity, I am ready to meet them. Those me I’ve been along my own timeline. Wrapped in the space of a quiet night, I walk the path. From here, backward.
Forty lady still
My, my, are you severe on yourself! Could you take a few minutes and just look back on all those yeses you’ve dared, all those steps you chose to take to become the best version of you?! You’ve suffered from parents afraid to get involved but you changed that legacy! You got involved, you are present. You’ve created a special bond with the most precious people in your life. You’ve been there, always.
You now live your life on your terms. You’ve loved the way you wanted to love. And you still do. Look around! Smile! Laugh! Enjoy! Be grateful! And enjoy some more! It doesn’t have to be hard to be worth it. You chose otherwise: good for you! Live up to it!
The thirty something
Oh woman that one hit you hard… You allowed a precious soul to show you motherhood was a path to travel. But you got really attached to the idea you were an independent woman that could take everything on. Then you had to compromise. Didn’t you resist the evidence or what?! The evidence of you being a great mom and the evidence of you being a powerful soul anchor to your family.
It’s all about the nows. It has always been, always will be. Nothing else matters. Let me say it again: always will be. No yesterday should survive in front of your now, unless you let it rob its light dwelling on ‘what ifs’. Look up. Aim high. Then higher. Breathe deeply and please, please enjoy. Enjoy this unique path of yours. Because you’ll only get to live it once. And it’ll be over before you even realize your entire road is over.
Smile. Put your head up and smile. And dance while you’re at it. That’s the spirit of those times you’ll want to remember.
Thirsty twenty everything
Oh you!! You’ve played with fire. And you’ve killed it! With too much water but that was the whole point: experience in contrast. Then you’ve dried it all with so much air you’ve learned to breath for the very first time of your entire life. Please forget all about the dirt on the roads ahead and behind you. You’ll travel far, you’ll travel deep. You’ll find yourself every step of the way. And you’ll LOVE it!
I love you. I love you so much. I love the road you chose, I love the roads you traveled, I love the whole journey with you. Please, never look down on the unique path you picked for ourselves. Your powerful light will never die. Ever.
Child me, I’ve got you
I’m sorry it was that hard on you. The load was way heavier than it ever needed to be. You’ve felt alone, you’ve felt lost, but I promise, you’ll win it all. All. Your rebel heart will follow its vision and you’ll live up to it. And then some. With perspective and through many shades, you’ll find your way. Yours.
You’ll meet the lost, the very lost you. Then the frighten you, the crazy you, the lover you, the overwhelmed you. Then you’ll come across the adventurous and the determined you you’ve been all along. And the discreet, the audacious, the daring and the brave you will definitely show up. Nothing will me missing. Nothing. We will be there for you. All of us hiding in layers of your experiences.
So get ready to be amazed by yourself. Enjoy your own company and keep your eyes and heart on the target. Always all ways. You’ll find what you’re looking for. You’ll find what’s been missing way too long.
I promise you, it’ll get easier. Funnier. Freer. I promise it’ll be so worth it! You’ll travel your road with this big open heart of yours. And you’ll love. So much your soul will burst. All the while you’ll heal. And free yourself. Free your whole path of other people’s suffering, your own. Know that: It’ll end.
Little me, I love you
You’re so tiny yet so strong already! Making decisions so soon… You’ll be great at it. Practice generates mastery didn’t you know it all along?! I won’t lie, it won’t be easy. But I promise, it’ll get easier because the strength you hold inside will never fade. Ever. You’ll be great at your life. You’ll be great at living. You’ll be great at being free and it’ll be so worth it. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll hold you safe.
The end of the road
An old lady wearing smooth white hairs was rocking her memories, still breathing unapologetically in the present, delighted she got the opportunity to talk to all of us. All of her.
Manon, walk with them, with us, everywhere, all the time. Hold your head up high and enjoy the damn ride, knowing we’ve made all the right choices. All of them. We’ve got them all right because we knew and we trusted. Our own unique path was designed on the courage to be us no matter what. We got it. Not all the times, but all the times it mattered, we did.
Be done with the excuses and the half breaths. Enough already! Look ahead with the eyes of the little us who stood strong in the beginning of our life. Choose freedom each and every day we have left together. Simply allow our life to be great. Because it is. From my point of view, it is. We have everything to design the rest of it with the light we hold since forever. We get to choose. Like we chose to come into this world ahead of scheduled time.
It was about the nows all along. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else ever will. No yesterday has ever survived any powerful now. The light was always there. We’ve been afraid to see it, we burned our eyes a couple of times, but the light remained. We never had any say in the matter: there is always light. Only a choice to let it be. As it is supposed to.
I love you. I love us. Forever whole.
M
* A meditation where we get to meet who we were – who we are – at different stages of our life:
A passion for the possible. Visiting the psychological realm, p. 84. Jean Houston.